i am exactly who i've wanted to be.  all this time, i've been lying...saying i hate myself, how low i am, how badly i think of myself.  all the while i wonder if i've been secretly in love with what i've created?  i was walking to work the other day, and i saw so clearly how happy and busy we all are just being ourselves.  busy being victims, busy being angry, consumed with being sad.  we put all our effort, every focus possible into manifesting these pictures of ourselves.

the choices we make recreate the same misery, and we say we don't want it?  our patterns like the eliptical swirl of the orbits of the planets.  all amazingly beautiful orbits in their own right...its just choosing which orbit i want...

i want the blue one...that one there with the warmth eminating.  the one with the deep orange edges engulfed in crimson...the pulsating one that smells like sage and oranges.

this is the one i'm creating...i am busy creating her.  She is allowed.